AP Photo- Mark Arum, winner of the 2000 RSERBBL,                   recently hosted a national fantasy baseball radio call-in show.

Fantasy Baseball Talk Show on WSB Radio 750 AM                                                                        

 

ATLANTA, GA –The RSERBBL is more than a bunch of engineering geeks turned sports geeks.    One league member, Mark Arum, is a well-renowned talk radio personality in Atlanta.     Recently, he hosted a nationally broadcasted fantasy baseball call-in show.     The transcript is contained below.

 

Arum:   “Welcome to the Mark Arum Super-Genius Fantasy Baseball Hour.   This morning, we’re broadcast nationally, and

                I’m taking questions to help you kick some butt in your 2006 fantasy baseball league.    So, let’s go straight to our callers!”      

 

Caller:  “This is Mike Smith from Eastbuttphuck, Montana.      What would you do with fourteen picks in the first ten rounds”?     

Arum:  “Win”

Smith:   “How would you do that”?     

Arum:   “Pick good players.”

Smith:   “Thanks, Mark!     Now I know why I haven’t done so well in the RSERBBL.    I haven’t been picking good players.”

Arum:   “That’s the kind of expert opinion Mark Arum is known for.    Let’s go to our next caller.”

     

Caller:  “This is Dave Fribourg.    I’m a long time listener, first-time caller.    My league has a keeper list and I wanted to know if I

should keep Eric Gagne?      He seems to be healthy this spring”.

Arum:   “Are you nuts?     Everyone knows that relief pitchers are the work of the devil.”         

 

Caller:  “You seem to hate questions about closers.     Some people call me Nick the Dick, and I’ll prove it.    Is BJ Ryan worth

 protecting?”    Who will emerge as closer in the Devil Rays bullpen?     Should Rich Gossage be in the Hall of Fame?

Arum:   “Next Question.”        

 

Caller:  “You remind of that Drew Rosenstein guy … you know the agent for Terrell Davis.    Anyhow, this is your old buddy Clancy.

 I think the Red Sox could use Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis.     I wanted your input on my trade idea.    What do you

 think of the Red Sox giving up John Flaherty and Tony Grafannino for Cabrera and Willis”?

Arum:    “Um … Clancy, how does this trade help the Marlins?    They’re not going to trade their two best players for two back-ups.”

Clancy:“So, you think it’s a good idea too!   The Red Sox will be impressed when I submit my resume for their GM position.”

Arum:   “Clancy, the only GM position you should apply for is a General Motors crash test dummy.     OK, let’s see if we can get a

                 reasonably intelligent caller on the line.”

 

Caller: “Hi, this is Jeff Waskiewicz.    (CLICK, the line is disconnected)

Arum: “Let’s try again”

 

Caller:  “What can my brother do to overcome the Curse of the Mormino to win his first fantasy baseball league?”

Arum:   “Tell Rich to go to Yahoo, start a baseball fantasy league, and not tell anyone else about it.”             

 

Caller:  “Can you start a Montreal Expos fan club call-in talk show?”

Arum:   “Dan, the only thing I remember about the Expos is that hairy, homosexual mascot named Youppi.   There is no need to have a

                 talk show about him.    Just go to his website at: www.outsports.com/columns/20020913billkyouppi.htm”             

 

Caller:  “Last year, I joined long-established fantasy baseball league of 20 people, and I laid a can of whoop-ass on them.”

Arum:   “That’s impressive!     Winning in your first year is tough to do.”

Caller:  “Actually, I finished in a very respectable ninth place.    But, I destroyed everyone in the bottom half of the RSERBBL.     

                What advice can you give me to achieve fantasy baseball success in 2006?”

Arum:   “Don’t finish in last place!    As long as you’re kicking one owner’s ass, you can brag about it.”     

 

 

 

Caller:  “Are there any 2006 stats projecting services I should avoid using?”         

Arum:   “Don’t use the RLSS (Rosalita Lopez Stats Service).     She always projects her son, Rodrigo, as a second round pick.”    

 

Caller:  “This is Seattle Sam.    If I get the first pick of the RSERBBL draft, should I draft Mariners phenom, Felix Hernandez?”

Arum:   “Absolutely!    Since you are even considering Hernandez with the first pick, there is no way you’ll ever win.        So, view your

                first round pick as a long-term investment.    Kinda like when Ken Griffey Jr. was drafted with the first overall pick in many

                1991 drafts and then protected into the 21^st century.”             

 

Caller:  “Yo Mark, this is Fritz.   I made that Griffey pick.   How come you didn’t mention my name?    Did you know that I’m ahead of

                 you in the all-time RSERBBL standings?     Is it true that I’ve won three more titles than you?      When are you going to have

  me a guest on your show?     Are you gonna cry when I kick your ass again this year?     Ha, Ha, Ha!    How can I lose this year       

  with Albert Pujols, Johan Santana …”    (CLICK, the line is disconnected)

Arum:   “I have no idea who that was!    He sounds like a bitter, disillusioned, wanna-be talk show host.      Who do we have next?”    

 

Caller:  “Nobody is asking you real fantasy baseball questions!   Leave it to Rich DeSalvo.   Would you rather pick a 34 year old 1B/DH

                with an OPS of .960 for the Yakult Swallows the last three years, a 25 year old starter with a K/BB ratio of 5:2 in theAFL,

                or a 25 year old Royals OF prospect with a .377 OBP with 37 SBs in AA and 6 HRs in intra-squad spring training games.

Arum:   “What the hell are you taking about?     No wonder you never win!      OK, we have time for one last caller.”     

 

Caller:   “This is Wanker.   Let’s start a Mark and Mark Sports Talk Show to compete against Mike and Mike in the morning.  

                You could tout the greatness of Jeff Franceour to convince Fritz to protect him.     Then, I could discuss great 2006 Pittsburgh

                 Pirate fantasy options like Joe Randa, Jack Wilson and Jose Castillo.     How does this sound?”     

Arum:   “Touting Franceour is a great idea.    Back in 1992, Keith protected Phil Plantier after he hit 11 HRs in a late season call-up.

                 Maybe we can convince Fritz to be just as dumb.    Unfortunately, co-hosting a show is a terrible idea.    How can I co-host

                with someone who says ‘Great 2006 Pirate fantasy options’ in the same sentence?   It proves why you haven’t won in 16 years.     

                

                OK folks, thanks for joining us.     See you next week.    Same baseball bat time, same baseball bat channel!”    

 

 

2005 TWEETY AWARD WINNER

As promised in last year’s Odds Letter, the RSERBBL will declare the winner of the annual Tweety Award to the owner with the worst draft day performance.    This year’s competition was stiff.    Rich was short ten draft picks, but thought he needed to uses his 11^th round pick (sixth overall player) on a minor leaguer.   Bob Cimini’s reliance on the RLSS made him an immediate contender.    Some eyebrows were also raised when Arum traded draft picks for Jose Reyes even though he already had Scott Podsednik and Carl Crawford.

 

But, the 2005 Tweety Award goes to … Jay Tarulli.     Sure, he finished in a semi-respectable 7th place, but he should have finished much higher.      Re-examining Jay’s 2005 draft shows how he earned this year’s Tweety:     

 

Mistake #1: After 10 rounds (18 picks), he only had one player capable of more than five SBs

                    If your only base-stealer is a 63 year old (Tony Womack), you aren’t going to do well in the category.

     

Mistake #2: His two closers were among the bottom five closers on every owner’s draft list                                                                                      

                    With a bunch of extra picks, how could Jay end up with two of the worst closers in baseball (Affeldt & Looper)?

    

Mistake #3: Picking all of his starting pitchers by round #9    

                    Jay should have saved a late pick to fill his fifth starter slot.     Decent starters like Esteban Loiaza, Paul Byrd, Jeff Suppan,

                    Kenny Rogers, and Jon Garland were all picked after round 20.     Any would have been an adequate fifth starter.    

 

Mistake #4: Drafting both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood   

                    Both Prior and Wood had health questions going into 2005.    Taking a chance on one or the other wasn’t a bad strategy.

      Taking both was.    Once he nabbed Prior, his next SP should have been a safer pick (e.g., Mussina, Buehrle, L. Hernandez).

 

 

2006 ODDS

The 18^th RSERBBL draft will be on April 8^th, 2006.    It is one of the older fantasy baseball leagues in America.     A tell-tale sign of the league’s age is that some owners turn 40 this year (Duck, Keith, Ken and Smith).    Next year, Rich and Nick hit the big four-O.    It won’t be long before the SRSERBBLO (Sons of RSERBBL Owners) has more owners than the RSERBBL.    

 

What does this mean for the RSERBBL?    Probably nothing!     Then again, the 2006 Odds reflect that this may finally be the year that the league’s older owners start suffering mental lapses on draft day.      

 

 

2006			RSERBBL	ODDS
ODDS	OWNER	DRAFT  PICK  SITUATION	POSSIBLE KEEPERS	COMMENTS
4 : 1	BOB	Traded:     17, 18, 19, 22, 24 Acquired:  10, 10, 13, 13, 16	Rodrigo Lopez	Bob isn’t a young pup, but he is one of the league’s younger owners.    He has 21 picks in the first 16 rounds, and the last time Bob had extra picks, he won.
5 : 1	FRITZ	Traded:     13 Acquired:  19	Albert Pujols Johan Santana Jason Isringhausen Carlos Beltran	Except for extra draft picks, he has a lot going for him this year.    He has above average keepers.    He is younger than most owners.    He is motivated (gunning to tie Duck for most career wins).
6 : 1	CLUNKY	Traded:      5, 10, 12, 13 Acquired:   18, 20, 20, 22	Miguel Tejada A few other possibles	For all those owners who try to make fun of Clancy, please note that he is ahead of eight owners          (Bob, Cohen, Fribble, Ken, Dan, Sam, Jeff and Smith) in the all time RSERBBL standings.
7 : 1	JEFF	Traded:     7, 11, 18 Acquired:  16, 19, 23	Manny Ramirez Roy Oswalt Rafael Palmeiro	For all those people who try to make fun of Jeff,   please note that he is ahead of nobody in the all time RSERBBL standings.
8 : 1	MATT	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	Mark Teixeira Derrick/Carlos Lee	Is Matt Dickason his real name, or is that his stage name?
10 : 1	ANY NEW OWNER	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	NONE	If the new owner is over the age of 40, the odds increase to 100 : 1.
12 : 1	JAY	Traded:    14 Acquired: 25	Paul Konerko Miguel Cabrera Mark Prior	It might make sense for Jay to throw everyone back in, but it won’t happen.    Jay seems to have a man-crush on Mark Prior.
15 : 1	ARUM	Traded:  7, 10, 14, 16, 22   Acquired: 15, 18, 20, 24, 25	A few possibilities	Arum plans to propose a 2006 rule change … eliminate the saves category.
20 : 1	COHEN	Traded:     20 Acquired:  12	Mariano Rivera	Cohen is due to get lucky one of these years.
25 : 1	FRIBBLE	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	A few possibilities	So is Fribble.
30 : 1	MIKE D	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	NONE	Mike needs to pray that the Curse of the Mormino doesn’t apply to everyone in the DeSalvo family.
35 : 1	WANKER	Traded:      10                                              Acquired:   17	Bobby Abreu Roy Halladay Billy Wagner	Since the Curse rules out Rich as a possible 2006 champion, Wanker is due for a lucky year more than anyone else.     Is this the year?
40 : 1	NICK	Traded:       5, 6, 7, 25                                               Acquired:    14, 14, 16, 26	David Ortiz Vladimir Guerrero BJ Ryan Pedro Martinez	Last year’s silver medalist will be looking to recoup some draft picks.    To get Big Papi last year, he paid a 5th for a 14th.     Can he get someone to pay more in the off season?    If yes, it’ll mean that he got Ortiz for free.
50 : 1	SMITH	Traded:    11, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25         Acquired: 6, 7, 7, 7, 11, 14, 18, 19, 22	NONE	He’s getting old … but, owning 11 picks in the first seven rounds is very promising.        Unfortunately, his historical performance is not.
75 : 1	SAM	Traded:    20 Acquired:  5	Joe Nathan	Early in his RSERBBL career, Sam made the mistake of looking to Mike Smith for fantasy baseball advice.
100 : 1	RICH	Traded:    12, 14, 18                                          Acquired:    5, 7, 10	NONE	Rich has always made the mistake of looking to himself for fantasy baseball advice.    Will his three extra picks be enough to break the “Curse”?
150 : 1	KEITH	Traded:    16 Acquired:  24	Alex Rodriguez A few other possibles	If you remove the asterisks and count his two partial season championships, Keith could tie Fritz this year for second place on the all-time RSERBBL wins list.
200 : 1	WILKE	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	Ichiro	Wilke just moved to Pittsburgh.      He plans to pick Troy Polamalu as his non major leaguer  ,,, he is undoubtedly the best hitter in Steel City.
250 : 1	KEN	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	A few possibilities	Ken seemed to have drafted a good team last year.    But, Barry Bonds and Magglio Ordonez turned out to be wasted picks.   They led him to a 12th place finish.
500 : 1	DAN	NO PICKS EXCHANGED	A few possibilities	Upset when UTony dropped out.     It left Dan as the oldest guy in the league.
1000 : 1	DUCK	Traded:      6, 7, 19                                            Acquired:  11, 12, 22	K-Rod Brad Lidge Chris Carpenter Jake Peavy	Doesn’t have the greatest keepers.    He’s getting old.    He’s missing two picks in the first seven rounds.       Not a threat.