RSERBBL Baseball
Keith Carangelo proudly displaying his 1999
RSERBBL Championship trophy.
Baseball weekly -- By John Hunt
RSERBBL HEADS INTO IT’S 14th SEASON WITH A FAMILIAR FACE POSTED AS THIS YEAR’S ODDS-ON-FAVORITE
BOSTON – Nowadays, Keith Carangelo has a lot to smile about. He has a new wife, a new house, and a new outlook on life. But, the reason you see him smiling in the picture above is because of his rosy outlook on the 2002 RSERBBL baseball season. Established as this year’s favorite by Las Vegas oddsmakers, Carangelo has set his sights on becoming the first four-time winner of the RSERBBL.
With the start of spring training, everyone knows that baseball is in the air and the start of the RSERBBL’s 14th season is not too far away. Everyone except for Duck has already forgotten who won in 2001. Hope springs eternal for every owner going into the 2002 season. But, there can be only one favorite for the 2002 RSERBBL season, and Baseball Weekly’s staff of reporters tracked him down.
It didn’t take us long to understand what makes the RSERBBL tick. The competitive fire that exists between Carangelo and his fellow RSERBBL owners was evident as Keith explained, “I don’t think I get the respect I deserve. Just call me the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. I’m a three-time champion, I was the commissioner for a decade, and I even kept track of all statistics for a decade. If I retired today, I would be elected to the RSERBBL Hall of Fame on the first ballot.”
Carangelo was a little perplexed when reporters in the room explained to him that there is no such thing as the RSERBBL Hall of Fame. Carangelo spouted out, “Then, I’ll create it, I’ll name myself commissioner, and I’ll make the rules allowing others to enter.” Carangelo’s contempt for other owners was illustrated as he continued, “And, another thing! I don’t care what that Duck jerk says. All three of my baseball wins are legitimate. Just because two of my victories occurred in strike-shortened seasons, that does not diminish my accomplishments.”
The tone of Carangelo’s voice was much more pleasant when he discussed his outlook on the 2002 season. He explained his optimism as follows, “My 2001 baseball season was a big disappointment. But, I was smart enough to cut my losses, pack it in early and rebuild for 2002. I was also smart enough to take advantage of the never-before-seen draft pick trading frenzy. Can you say Soooooooooooper-Genius? It would be a crime if anyone else were named the favorite going into 2002. With my track record for success and 15 picks in the first 11 rounds, I might runaway with the title like I did in football this year. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s equivalent to watching Secretariat winning the Belmont Stakes.”
One of the reporters asked, “Well, if you are such a super-genius, then why did your baseball team stink so bad last year?” Carangelo snapped back, “Listen you little punk. If you think you could dominate in the RSE baseball league every year, then why don’t you give it a try yourself.”
Even though Carangelo’s arrogance is irritating, his optimism seems well founded. His past success is evident. The extra draft picks gives him some room for error. He can make one or two minor mistakes during this year’s draft, and still come out smelling like roses. Carangelo will be tough to beat in 2002.
However, several other RSERBBL owners had a few things to say about the controversial Carangelo:
Commissioner Rich DeSalvo reasoned, “I have fine-tuned my model that predicts final standings before we conduct our draft. It is based on every owner’s established draft tendencies, their draft pick situation, their protectable players, and it is inversely proportional to the amount of luck they have had in prior seasons. The predicted standings for 2002 are 1) Rich, 2) Sam, 3) Bob, 4) Dan and 5) Tietz. As you can tell, Keith isn’t even in the top five. This model proves that everyone has to worry about me this year.”
Fritz Strydom said “I don’t care what draft picks he’s got. I’m gonna win. Midway through the season, I plan to suggest rule changes that only benefit my team. After that, I’ll be ‘golden’ ”.
Mike Smith asked, “Is Keith willing to trade me his 2003 draft picks for anybody on my team?”
Mike Nichols stated, “Yeah, I agree that Keith is my favorite, but it’s not for winning the baseball league. That greasy guinea, wop, stupid-ass pollack, geek is my favorite SOB to beat the crap out of.”
Mark Arum countered, “I’ve never met this Keith guy. But, he sure sounds like a putz. I’ve kicked his ass the last two years in this RSE league and I will do it again.”
Michael McKnight (Kitt) sneered, “It’s impossible for Keith to win in 2002 because he’s not doing the statistics anymore.”
Mark Schwanekamp’s (Wanker) lack of respect for Carangelo is evident, “It’s hard to take Keith seriously. After all, we’re talking about a guy who once protected Phil Plantier, and a guy who backed out of the 1990 draft because he had to spend Easter with his family. Isn’t that pathetic?”
Clancy boasted, “What the hell do those Las Vegas oddsmakers know? I should be the odds-on- favorite. Before this year’s draft, I plan to acquire Ichiro Suzuki, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Todd Helton, Mike Piazza, Randy Johnson, Roger Clemens, Curt Schilling, Trevor Hoffman, and Billy Wagner for my 20th round pick.”
Only one thing is for sure. Time will tell. The 2002 RSERBBL draft will be on 4/6/2002. There might be a few draft pick trades before then to change the odds. But, with the amount of research conducted by the Las Vegas oddsmakers, it’s hard to imagine any big changes in the odds before the draft starts.
Read ‘em and weep!
